Not Much Thought

I have to say that positng a blog, often times, is much more trouble than it's worth. Today I just wanted to express my thoughts on people and how they change you. Not much mind you, I have to get some food soon and I'm losing feeling in my fingers because of how cold it is.

Quite simply, people change you. I can't decide if it's the perception that they have of you and how it affects your behavior or what parts of your personality theirs brings out; or even if it's something completely and entirely different... but people change you. The scariest part of it for me, is that sometimes you don't see it. So this leaves me questioning sometimes, who am I really? When do I find out? Well I guess that all depends on how you define yourself... or better yet, how you allow yourself to be defined. Who do you allow to change you? Who do you allow to fill in the lines?

Just some simple processing. My thoughts cannot go any further, my stomach has taken control. Every pang of hunger demands I walk away from my current position and onto the promised land across the parking lot. It's concerning sometimes, how much I am led by hunger.

Rainy Rebellion

I wrote this about two weeks ago or so. It was a brilliant moment of my life. A little short, maybe...

It’s currently raining inside of my bedroom. Suddenly the floor holds along itself, an inch of water. Remarkably, the ceiling is entirely dry. Yet it falls, massive wet drops, soaking everything. I find myself unconcerned with the possibility of my wooden wardrobes destroying themselves as they saturate in the descending water. The couch holds me like a warm pair of arms, safe as the water rises. My mind wanders while I watch it refuse to let up. Then what about the paintings? Should I be concerned about them? It’s raining in my bedroom, what do I have to honestly worry about if a phenomenon that is rather unexplainable is truly occurring? Now as I look, I see myself as rather stubborn. It’s enjoyable really, even when my hair reaches that uncomfortable stickiness and holds itself to my face; I am too stubborn to let it be in any way concerning. I simply let myself enjoy every moment. It’s a rebellion. I realize that now; it’s a refusal. I mean, don’t you understand?! It’s raining in my room! Quite honestly, this might very well be the most marvelous and triumphant moment of my life! Why would I let a little bit of stringy, wet hair get in the way!? It’s raining in my room and the more that this becomes a revelation the harder it becomes to conceal my utter excitement and joy.

Mini Sermon

A few weeks ago, I gave my mini-sermon. It was a challenge. I hadn't given a word in a very long time, let alone the type of word I felt on my heart to give. Walking up there, I was more nervous than I thought possible for me to feel. Public speaking doesn't usually shake me. Something about this clasped my nerves in a firm, unrelenting grip. It wasn't until I got up there, closed my eyes and opened my heart in complete surrender that the Holy Spirit just came down and put me completely at ease. His word just came out of me. Whether people got something out of what I said or not, however much my ability to speak publicly might need to improve, that sermon was for me. They might not have been words that I personally needed to hear, but they were words that I personally needed to say. It was the purest form of expression… raw emotion and love-driven passion, guided by the Spirit. If it didn’t grow anyone else, it grew me, in confidence, in capability, in practicing what God’s put inside of me. While at the same time, I didn’t do it for me. It was out of complete and somewhat painful obedience. It was terrifying and yet so satisfying; which is so like His character. We serve a God who is crazy about our lives. He is all-powerful, sovereign and mighty… yet He cares about our lives; He takes in every detail and applies it to the Glory of who He is. Just leaves me awe-struck.

I was planning on putting up my sermon notes... but they disagree with the formatting on my laptop. I'm disappointed but I will have to deal.