Bittersweet

I don't have much to say, I'm so emotionally devoid today. I had caffeine which probably has a lot to do with it but yesterday and today have both been not only emotionally draining but stressful. Extra issues arose in the planning of certain parts of my trip and more goodbyes came along.

Saying goodbye is so much harder than I ever imagined it could be. I knew it would be hard to say goodbye to my store... but not as hard as it has been. The impact that they've had on me and the way it really has been a 1st place environment for me... I'm going to miss it more than I realize even now. What kills me is that I know that I'm going to live in a different country... so I'll have a new life, build new relationships, share new experiences. When I leave there... it'll be hard all over again. I love how deeply I connect with people but sometimes I hate it too because it makes goodbyes that much harder.

My thoughts are simple tonight. Just the difficulty of leaving the people I love and care about so deeply... Everything else is kind of just blocked from my concious thought... just so I can maintain that small bit of sanity I feel like I have left. I'm excited, but it's filed away for the time being and probably won't come back out until I actually arrive in Australia. For now there is so much more in front of me to worry about that I just can't think about how excited I am anymore. Things are happening too fast, I feel like time is just running out, it's not enough.... not for everyone that I want to see, everything I want to do.

It's so bittersweet. Like sourpatch kids right? "First they're sour, then they're sweet"? This isn't sour, but it's hard... I do know, however, that it'll end up being one of the greatest adventures of my life. I just wish I could go on this adventure while still being a part of things here at home... I don't want to miss out. Thus is life I suppose, bittersweet.