Experiencing Pregnancy

No. I have not been amazing at keeping record of my pregnancy. Honestly though... thinking about it, there isn't too much to record until the end anyway. My first three months were not too fun. I thankfully never threw-up. However, I had my days where I was nearly motionless with nausea. The second trimester is the easiest and the best. I ate what I wanted and didn't gain a pound, most of my clothes still fit... but the baby movement is minimal (very exciting but minimal). Now I'm coming up on my third and I feel like the fun is about to start (most of the non-fun, get-the-baby-out emotions as well).

I've recently gotten big enough to where I can really feel that I am pregnant. Some people have already told me that the waddle has started. I know that I also need a little support when lifting myself off of comfortable couches. Now, most of the clothes that were originally continuing to fit me, have ceased and desisted of all fitting capabilities. I may not look huge yet, but having clothes not fit certainly makes a person FEEL like a hippo. I'm sure any and all pregnant women face the challenge of experiencing a constantly changing body. From what I know, or what I've heard... when the baby is out, its all more than worth it! I can say for myself, I cannot wait to meet our little Ren despite these physical changes.

Earlier I mentioned baby movement. Can I just say, that is probably the BEST part of this whole experience?! It's been so much fun to sit here as it started as the faintest of flutters where I questioned whether or not it was even the baby; to now, where sometimes little Ren kicks so hard it jostles me! If I am laying back you can see my whole belly move when he kicks and even on occasion theres a little limb pushing out and you can see the bump. Next I can't wait to be able to make out a hand or a foot which I've heard happens when they get even bigger. My favorite thing, however, that I've read about at this stage specifically, is that the baby can sense your heart start to race when you feel him move. It is part of what builds the bond between mother and child. So, when I feel his movements, I let the tingles creep up my spine and smile and take it all in. Each time just never gets old, it makes the pregnancy so much more real and exciting. Until our little one is out, its the only interaction I have with him!

Now, you've probably heard and maybe even seen couples talking to the baby bump bellies... I have to say I felt so weird about it until this last week or two. Until you get really big, and until baby is really moving... it just feels like your talking to your stomach. Now, we talk to him all the time! Especially because when Trav and I first get up in the morning and he hears our voices, he starts to get really excited! It's fun to think about all the people around us that he will be semi-familiar with as well just from hearing them talk around him all the time. The only thing we haven't done yet that we've been wanting to do is play music for him. Apparently, I've read that I should also be singing to him... something about the songs being comforting post-birth. Which I believe... but who on earth knows lullabies these days??? I tell you, if you have any good ones, let me know. Little Ren will be my only audience but I am open for suggestions!

Well time is winding down. Travis said it today... we were once 3 months in, not we have 3 months to go... the scary part is that it will probably be less than that! I am so torn, thankfully my pregnancy has been fairly easy thus far and so there is a part of me that wants it to last just a little bit longer. I would simply like to have just a little bit more time... then there's the anticipation where you know what?! He can't come out soon enough! Especially after having gotten some clothes for him, all I want is for him to be out so I can play with him and put all his outfits on him! Everyone should know, he will be the new star of my instagram as soon as he is born! Sorry Travis, your son will steal the show for a while. Really but not really at the same time... I will have plenty of shots of the two of them together... the men in my world. Being torn down the middle might be a good thing, keeps me in a balanced contentment with where I am at. I am excited, but I can wait!

Little Ren, you are already so loved!

A Season of the Unexpected

If you had told me a year before my wedding day that I would be getting married the following August, I would have laughed at you. Still, here I am, 6 months into a marriage and now expecting a little bun. Somehow, despite its outer, rushed appearance, it all feels natural. The timing of everything just feels right.

I have to say, I only found out yesterday and the emotions were overwhelming. Mixture of complete bewilderment, fear, excitement, joy, anticipation along with lots and lots of processing. All the new scenarios we will face, the responses to the news, obstacles, as well as everything we will need to organize in the process!

If i were to think about it, it would have been the moment I told my husband and he affirmed his commitment and longevity regardless of the circumstances, with a hint of a smile of excitement; it was that moment that I knew it was right.

My husband and I were close enough within our one year of dating/engagement that it feels as if we are living out our second year of marriage now. What a beautiful time it has been. Living in Australia these last two years helps with the "get-out-do-something-before-you-have-kids" as well. All of it leaves us feeling, although surprised, ready.

When I say ready, that doesn't mean we feel like we have enough finances, we have a house, or that we are fully prepared. On the contrary. From an objective perspective, the timing couldn't be worst. We have sold almost everything we have, we are moving countries and will be living with my parents until we can find work, a car, and a home. Wow. When you put it that way, what are we going to do?!

Still, there is an odd sort of peace around it all. It was meant to be. That being said, we will have a community of friends and family surrounding and supporting us. When the stress creeps up, my favorite encouragement is looking at all those first-time mothers who have gone before me. They always told us in college, don't be afraid of small beginnings. The number of people I have seen rise out of seemingly impossible situations and do amazing things is endless.

So, here's to small beginnings. It may seem daunting now but we are ready to take on this massive change in life with optimism and excitement. We are ready to see how it will change us and challenge us for the better. We are most definitely excited to welcome a new little Ren into the world and as part of the family!

In Honour of My Father

I used to hate haikus. Not for any real reason, they just didn't make sense to me. Then there was some point that I just found a new fascination with them... I found these sitting in my draft blogs. They were meant to be posted on Fathers day, but now is as good a time as any. So, here they are, 6 haikus in honour of my father.

A childlike point of view,

full of affection and joy,

this is my father.

Strength, willpower, and

complexity enwrap him.

Yet he portrays love.

A steadfast spirit,

and full of consistency,

his love is faithful.

Ready to correct,

he conveys wisdom and truth,

a part of his heart.

He will always be,

a pillar of fearlessness,

and courage to me.

This is my daddy,

it’s who he always will be.

Forever my dad.

Starting Again + A Bombshell

My plan was to update my blogsite and maybe try to get back into it. Since I've come to Hillsong, I feel as if I jumped on some sort of time-jet-plane. I came here wanting to keep everyone at home updated on all the dealings and experiences I've been through here at Hillsong; everything that I've faced and all the ways that I've changed. The truth is, I haven't even had time to process it all myself yet. I had no idea what I was getting myself into! 

I've built a life here in Sydney, and just when I feel as if I've really settled in, gotten used to it, found my place... I'm going home. A bit of a bombshell, I know. It was for me too. A recent decision and many variables played their role in the finalized decision. However, it is time. The best way I can put it is that home is calling. What it is calling me to is unknown to me, but that is currently the next step.

It's only now that I'm leaving, that I've found the time and can look back and pretty much be taken aback myself. Taken aback at how much I've changed, at how much I've been through. This past year, I got married! I don't think I've had a chance to even just let THAT sink in! It was this time last year that I was single! Not even engaged yet! 

I can still remember the 9 month limbo I found myself in when I came here for the first time. Thats when I had the most time to blog and when I did blog. Now I am in that limbo again. It's not time to pack up yet but its not time to stay. We live in this in-between of neither coming or going and we will live in it until March. It would be easier if we were leaving next week, just pack everything up and go, but there is work to be done here yet.

The only thing I hope for as my life comes to a close in this season, is that I am taking everything I possibly can back home with me. Every lesson I ought to have learn, even every mistake I've made, that I would take from it. Every opportunity missed... that God would bring them about again in a new setting and that my heart would be better prepared to go for it, to make better decisions. My hope is that I would go home equipped for the next step, even if there is more equipping to do; that I would be ready to do it. Each and every class and trainer, every chapel, every heart to heart, every challenge... that they would all have molded me and that the product would hold even upon my return home. 

As we begin our journey, its the life, the absolute thriving, mirth-filled life that exists in this place; thats what I want to take home with me. The vision-filled perspective that the people here carry. That constant desire to always build people up and never tear them down. Their ability to always see the best in people and pull out God-given potential even when you don't see it yourself. The eyes every looking heavenward and not mulling over the negative of life's challenges. It's Jesus himself alive, living and breathing in a church that understands that WE are the church. His arms and legs are extended through every volunteer, every staff member, every pastor, reaching out to the surrounding city and even the globe. I want to leave, continuing to be a part of that extension... constantly telling the world that we have a Savior, his name is Jesus, He loves you, He wants to be a part of your world, He died so that you can have life!! I want to leave running hard and fast, on fire and pumped up... ready for anything. 

This is all my side, and I've said it all just from me because I have not yet introduced to you my husband, Travis Ren. I know I can say though that almost every word of mine, he would be in full agreement with. We take this journey on together, it is an adventure, as it always has been. And this story, this magnificent God-story that we get to be a part of, is now not just me, but us. Travis and I face the change together, and the unknown is something we get to walk into hand in hand. 

Well, for those few who keep up with me via this blog, there you go. I cannot tell each individual I know in person, I also do not just want to splash it on the internet as a facebook status... and so the news is slow in coming. For now, there they are... just a few overlying thoughts that surround this bombshell-decision. As we slowly begin to process all of it for ourselves, there's what we've started with.