Bittersweet

I don't have much to say, I'm so emotionally devoid today. I had caffeine which probably has a lot to do with it but yesterday and today have both been not only emotionally draining but stressful. Extra issues arose in the planning of certain parts of my trip and more goodbyes came along.

Saying goodbye is so much harder than I ever imagined it could be. I knew it would be hard to say goodbye to my store... but not as hard as it has been. The impact that they've had on me and the way it really has been a 1st place environment for me... I'm going to miss it more than I realize even now. What kills me is that I know that I'm going to live in a different country... so I'll have a new life, build new relationships, share new experiences. When I leave there... it'll be hard all over again. I love how deeply I connect with people but sometimes I hate it too because it makes goodbyes that much harder.

My thoughts are simple tonight. Just the difficulty of leaving the people I love and care about so deeply... Everything else is kind of just blocked from my concious thought... just so I can maintain that small bit of sanity I feel like I have left. I'm excited, but it's filed away for the time being and probably won't come back out until I actually arrive in Australia. For now there is so much more in front of me to worry about that I just can't think about how excited I am anymore. Things are happening too fast, I feel like time is just running out, it's not enough.... not for everyone that I want to see, everything I want to do.

It's so bittersweet. Like sourpatch kids right? "First they're sour, then they're sweet"? This isn't sour, but it's hard... I do know, however, that it'll end up being one of the greatest adventures of my life. I just wish I could go on this adventure while still being a part of things here at home... I don't want to miss out. Thus is life I suppose, bittersweet.

Mindblowing

I cannot even believe I leave next Thursday. As of 8:10pm on July 8th, I'll be leaving the states from Miami for a very long time. There are no thoughts in my head about it except that packing has been an even bigger pain than when I went to the Bahamas.

Other than that, that's pretty much all that's going on. I'm in this strange limbo right now where nothing can happen because I'm leaving. Just working, packing, starting to say goodbyes to certain people... I'm excited but my excitement has had to be put on hold so I can focus on everything else I need to do and get done. Work has been a little more stressful than usual, but that's probably because I have so much going on. It's still fun, it just takes a little bit more effort sometimes.

I'm also finding a bunch of unfinished paintings that I'm disapointed to be leaving behind... reminds me that there's so much more I wanted to do... I'm dropping it all to go in a direction I can't even fully see, but God has me by the hand and He's leading me. What a mind-blowing concept. New land, new culture, new environment, new life... no ties, no history... starting completely over and on my own... following only the slightest drift of His breath that takes me the way He wants me to go; and yet, I trust Him. Mind-blowing.

The Beginning

Here it is, the beginning of the next chapter. Here is the place that God has brought me, the place that he has taken the last 6 years to prepare me for... the place that he will use to prepare me for the next chapter. It is amazing how we are made, and how we are made not for ourselves but for Him... how He has designed us to fall in love with Him and how in falling in love with Him, we become a part of His story, which is the greatest privilage ever to be granted.