The Middle of the Following Year

A year and a half.






































































































So much lost... yet where I am now is coming off of where I've been and what God has done. There's so much I actually forgot that I almost feel it completely right to start where I left off and fill you in. It will bring about, what I think to be, an entirely necessary reflection.























Oh, the coming of my journey to Hillsong and what that means in my life. Everything that has led me to this point and everything that has prepared me for my being here is entirely God's design. Every single person that I meet, every experience, every situation has been designed simply for me to witness the plan of God outworking itself in my life. All of it designed despite whether or not I am at a point with Him where I can see it. He has taken the unexpected parts I my life and transformed them completely for His own Glory and I will never cease to be amazed by the fact.




























































Why am I here? Here is a question I never want to forget the answer to. This answer was so strongly confirmed again and again and again. God brought me here. God wants me here. This is where He has decided to equip me and this is where He has been equipping me. Being far enough along into the journey now to have that season become much more of a daily reality rather than a fresh revelation, it becomes all the more easy to forget the purpose behind my everyday. But when the time is precisely right and it becomes most necessary, God reminds me. In that reminder always comes humility and grace. The overflow of His heart and love pours itself into my life. It blows my mind every single time and it leaves me speechless and in awe of the fact that the God who created the entire universe would take me, despite my failings and rebellion and turn my life into a declaration of His love!














































































Time and time again, God has reminded me of the things that He’s done in my time being here and how there is no other place in the entire world that He could have done any of those things. Everything about where He’s positioned me is exactly what it should be. The people are the exact people I need to know, the teaching is the exact teaching I need to hear, the culture is the exact culture I need to be wrapped up in. He’s doing and teaching me things that are so much bigger than me. His heart is overwhelming.

Bittersweet

I don't have much to say, I'm so emotionally devoid today. I had caffeine which probably has a lot to do with it but yesterday and today have both been not only emotionally draining but stressful. Extra issues arose in the planning of certain parts of my trip and more goodbyes came along.

Saying goodbye is so much harder than I ever imagined it could be. I knew it would be hard to say goodbye to my store... but not as hard as it has been. The impact that they've had on me and the way it really has been a 1st place environment for me... I'm going to miss it more than I realize even now. What kills me is that I know that I'm going to live in a different country... so I'll have a new life, build new relationships, share new experiences. When I leave there... it'll be hard all over again. I love how deeply I connect with people but sometimes I hate it too because it makes goodbyes that much harder.

My thoughts are simple tonight. Just the difficulty of leaving the people I love and care about so deeply... Everything else is kind of just blocked from my concious thought... just so I can maintain that small bit of sanity I feel like I have left. I'm excited, but it's filed away for the time being and probably won't come back out until I actually arrive in Australia. For now there is so much more in front of me to worry about that I just can't think about how excited I am anymore. Things are happening too fast, I feel like time is just running out, it's not enough.... not for everyone that I want to see, everything I want to do.

It's so bittersweet. Like sourpatch kids right? "First they're sour, then they're sweet"? This isn't sour, but it's hard... I do know, however, that it'll end up being one of the greatest adventures of my life. I just wish I could go on this adventure while still being a part of things here at home... I don't want to miss out. Thus is life I suppose, bittersweet.

Mindblowing

I cannot even believe I leave next Thursday. As of 8:10pm on July 8th, I'll be leaving the states from Miami for a very long time. There are no thoughts in my head about it except that packing has been an even bigger pain than when I went to the Bahamas.

Other than that, that's pretty much all that's going on. I'm in this strange limbo right now where nothing can happen because I'm leaving. Just working, packing, starting to say goodbyes to certain people... I'm excited but my excitement has had to be put on hold so I can focus on everything else I need to do and get done. Work has been a little more stressful than usual, but that's probably because I have so much going on. It's still fun, it just takes a little bit more effort sometimes.

I'm also finding a bunch of unfinished paintings that I'm disapointed to be leaving behind... reminds me that there's so much more I wanted to do... I'm dropping it all to go in a direction I can't even fully see, but God has me by the hand and He's leading me. What a mind-blowing concept. New land, new culture, new environment, new life... no ties, no history... starting completely over and on my own... following only the slightest drift of His breath that takes me the way He wants me to go; and yet, I trust Him. Mind-blowing.